One of my friends is getting a divorce. She's been married for 17 years and has two boys. Her husband is a friend of ours, too. And he's a great guy who worshiped his wife.... until he found out his wife wasn't faithful to him.
I think the husband wanted to do over, and was willing to forgive his wife. But the wife said she doesn't love him anymore and wants to get a divorce. In their case, I'm feeling sorry for the husband. He's so screwed.
His wife never worked, and doesn't have a college degree. So, she knows she won't be able to get a high paying job. Thus, she wants him to pay her spousal support in addition to child support.
I had lunch with her with other friends and a couple of her comments kind of touched my nerve.
Me: "My co-worker was paying his ex-wife $700 for spousal support."
My friend: "That's it??"
Well.... do you know how hard it is to earn $700???
Me: "Do you have your own bank account?"
My friend: "With what money can I open a bank account?"
Well.... it doesn't cost $100k to open it. All you need is... maybe... $20??
So, here she is, doesn't even have her own bank account (to me it means no independence whatsoever), and pissed off a guy whom she will totally be dependent on financially, and complaining that the only job she can find is a kind that pays $10 an hour. Well.... you need to start somewhere.....
They live in a beautiful house that cost them $1M when they moved in a couple of years ago. Of course, it is upside down now, approx. $200K. Her husband doesn't want to sell the house because he knows he cannot sell it for what he wants. He is so angry at her now that I really cannot blame him. He always treated her like a princess, as far as I know.
They're going through mediation now but not sure how much they will agree on stuff like house and spousal support. I just hope she is making a right choice for her.
My friend and divorce
August 17th, 2009 at 10:22 pm
August 18th, 2009 at 04:01 am 1250564480
August 18th, 2009 at 04:15 am 1250565357
do you mean 'only $700', as in, $700 a week?
August 18th, 2009 at 04:26 am 1250565970
August 18th, 2009 at 02:39 pm 1250602777
I've counseled other men in these situations elsewhere, and believe me when I tell you that it can be very emotionally devastating for men too (though some may not tell you or show it).
Oh, and the lady in this story? She's crazy, but depending on the custody arrangement, she may still be entitled to child support. I doubt it's going to be as much as she would like, but it really depends on the laws in the state. Again, all the more reason to be prepared and know in advance.
August 18th, 2009 at 03:00 pm 1250604040
August 18th, 2009 at 04:10 pm 1250608230
Anyhow, once all is done, she will have a wake up call.
August 18th, 2009 at 05:01 pm 1250611311
August 18th, 2009 at 09:25 pm 1250627117
For her defense, she really is feeling bad. She wants to finish her nursing degree (will take a couple years...) and told me she is willing to agree that her ex won't have to pay spousal support once she's done with the degree.
What worries me is she seems that she is not ready for life style adjustment. She lives in an upper middle class neighborhood and seems to think she can maintain that type of lifestyle somehow. I just don't feel any sense of dollars and cents from her.
So, yeah, I guess you're right. Once she realizes what he gives her isn't enough, she may come back and ask for more. (sigh...)
August 19th, 2009 at 02:09 am 1250644151
August 19th, 2009 at 05:42 am 1250656940
Oh no, don't worry about it. I kind of know (from your posts) what you went through, so I totally understand how you feel about her.