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My friend and divorce

August 17th, 2009 at 09:22 pm

One of my friends is getting a divorce. She's been married for 17 years and has two boys. Her husband is a friend of ours, too. And he's a great guy who worshiped his wife.... until he found out his wife wasn't faithful to him.

I think the husband wanted to do over, and was willing to forgive his wife. But the wife said she doesn't love him anymore and wants to get a divorce. In their case, I'm feeling sorry for the husband. He's so screwed.

His wife never worked, and doesn't have a college degree. So, she knows she won't be able to get a high paying job. Thus, she wants him to pay her spousal support in addition to child support.

I had lunch with her with other friends and a couple of her comments kind of touched my nerve.

Me: "My co-worker was paying his ex-wife $700 for spousal support."
My friend: "That's it??"

Well.... do you know how hard it is to earn $700???

Me: "Do you have your own bank account?"
My friend: "With what money can I open a bank account?"

Well.... it doesn't cost $100k to open it. All you need is... maybe... $20??

So, here she is, doesn't even have her own bank account (to me it means no independence whatsoever), and pissed off a guy whom she will totally be dependent on financially, and complaining that the only job she can find is a kind that pays $10 an hour. Well.... you need to start somewhere.....

They live in a beautiful house that cost them $1M when they moved in a couple of years ago. Of course, it is upside down now, approx. $200K. Her husband doesn't want to sell the house because he knows he cannot sell it for what he wants. He is so angry at her now that I really cannot blame him. He always treated her like a princess, as far as I know.

They're going through mediation now but not sure how much they will agree on stuff like house and spousal support. I just hope she is making a right choice for her.


10 Responses to “My friend and divorce”

  1. NJDebbie Says:

    What the wife did is unexcusable, but I believe that there are three sides of the story, his, hers and the truth. No one knows what goes on behind close door.

  2. whitestripe Says:

    poor guy, it sounds like he is better off without her. i know she is your friend, but he is also, so i hope this doesn't offend when i say i hope he finds someone that treats him like he deserves to be treated.

    do you mean 'only $700', as in, $700 a week?

  3. boomeyers Says:

    Sounds messy. I hope they work it out without hurting the children too much.

  4. Broken Arrow Says:

    Wow, does this entry touch several nerves for me too.

    I've counseled other men in these situations elsewhere, and believe me when I tell you that it can be very emotionally devastating for men too (though some may not tell you or show it).

    Oh, and the lady in this story? She's crazy, but depending on the custody arrangement, she may still be entitled to child support. I doubt it's going to be as much as she would like, but it really depends on the laws in the state. Again, all the more reason to be prepared and know in advance.

  5. fern Says:

    She sounds incredibly naive. Maybe once she learns more she might entertain the idea of the 2 of them continuing to live in separate parts of that $1 million house since being forced to sell it now at a loss will hurt them both.

  6. Maismom Says:

    Yeah, I think she's pretty naive and doesn't have any sense of money. That worries me a lot. And it's funny that Fern called it. She is kicking around an idea of sharing a house (not sure what their arrangement is...) so that they don't have to sell it.
    Anyhow, once all is done, she will have a wake up call.

  7. Broken Arrow Says:

    If this woman is anything like my ex, it probably won't be the end of it. Because she will realize that she needs money, and the "best" way is to squeeze it out of her ex (not just the boyfriend) with ridiculous demands of whatever it is that the children supposedly needs. I hope he's ready for that.

  8. Maismom Says:

    BA,
    For her defense, she really is feeling bad. She wants to finish her nursing degree (will take a couple years...) and told me she is willing to agree that her ex won't have to pay spousal support once she's done with the degree.
    What worries me is she seems that she is not ready for life style adjustment. She lives in an upper middle class neighborhood and seems to think she can maintain that type of lifestyle somehow. I just don't feel any sense of dollars and cents from her.
    So, yeah, I guess you're right. Once she realizes what he gives her isn't enough, she may come back and ask for more. (sigh...)

  9. Broken Arrow Says:

    Ah, I hope I did not cross the line and insult your friend. Right or wrong, good or bad, she is still a friend of yours. I guess I am projecting from on my own issues with my ex. Big Grin Mea culpa.

  10. Maismom Says:

    BA,
    Oh no, don't worry about it. I kind of know (from your posts) what you went through, so I totally understand how you feel about her.

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